Portrait Swap

So I've entered into a portrait swap, luckily with a very talented artist called Tina Collins (
www.tinacollins.blogspot.com).

I am still learning. They say it takes a couple hundred bad portraits before you start getting to see the good ones. This is number 6, so I do hope to improve a lot from this.

Tina, hope you like it :)

Most People Are Not Evil, Are They?

I recently put my foot right into it. I found myself in a situation where I had sent a group email to friends and jokingly called my friend's brother-in-law a twat. This was a play on words of his email address which contained the word "twaz" and evidently a joke too far. My friend was quite right to contact me and tell me he was offended by this. It was my reaction that most surprised me. I looked back and tried to think how this situation arose. How did I end up joking and crossing the line with someone I have only recently met?

My immediate reaction to my friend's offense was one of retaliation. "Well, it's ok for him to joke with me, but when I joke with him then it's not ok, perhaps we'll just stop socialising," I had text him. In fact I was offended by the fact that my friend was offended, afterall, this was the same person who had helped strip me naked outside my parents house and pull my underwear down in front of my younger sister on the night before my wedding. I didn't take offense to that then so how the hell did he have the right to take offense of this little thing?
I had time to calm down and knew deep down that two wrongs don't make a right. If I was honest, me taking offense was not the correct response, and it got me thinking.

Coming from a society of Punjabi's who are somewhat openly spoken it is often the case whereby people can say whatever derogatory remarks to another and expect them not take offense, but as soon as somebody says something to them in retaliation then it is taken offensively. "How dare they say this about me? I am offended!"

What bizarre logic is this? And, is this just a low class Punjabi thing? Well, apparently not. This bizarre behaviour was evident in all parts of society, even in the established high class Royalty. I came across this quote whilst reading about the last Sikh Royal line, in the words of Princess Bamba Jindan Dalip Singh, grand daughter of Maharaja Ranjit Singh,

"If man were immortal he could be perfectly sure of seeing the day when everything in which he had trusted should betray his trust, and, in short, of coming eventually to hopeless misery. He would break down, at last, as every good fortune, as every dynasty, as every civilisation does. In place of this we have death."

What I took from this statement, totally astounded me. What Princess Bamba is saying is that if it wasn't for death, then people would eventually stop talking to each other, hence the greatness of death. Wow. What a statement. I mean, you can't argue with that. If people just went around taking offense at others offense this would cause society to self destruct, no? And new birth means fresh new relationships, hence no old bad ones.

So death is the answer? Good God, no. If we waited for death before we resolved things then that would be awful for those who are living. There would be hoards of people who just ignore each other and end up sad and lonely in their homes and work places, minimising communication to the bare essentials, "hello" and "goodbye". Come to think of it it's not far from what we have now. There are some people who actually live like this with their neighbours, virtually no communication over 30 years. Further more some people have little relationship with their families and supposed "loved ones". Too painful to talk about anything real, living on their own with little but their tv sets or pets as company. Of course this makes sense, the pet never argues back, the tv never causes real pain. But surely I don't want to end up like that.

So if not death then what? How can we live life and keep society alive? How does one survive in this society without becoming a stranded island? Well, the answer, as it so happens, I believe lies in a quote I heard many years ago from an old aquaintance of mine and has stuck by me to this day.

"Most people are not inherently evil, they are more often than not just bad communicators."

And that's it. Remembering this I lose the desire to be swallowed up by the earth in a very deep hole of embarassment and shut myself off from the world. Instead I think, "Yes, I cocked up, but in time so will you, so it's ok." And in their potentially negative reaction to my comments, well people are just being people, they are fallable, they are not perfect. Yes, they are equally offended by others and offensive to others, however nobody is perfect. As in the word's of Christ, "Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone" - we're all just as bad. So to cut off society, lose the will to survive and let death be victorious is not the answer, contradictory to what the Princess was quoted as saying, no offense Princess (ha ha).

Instead, and I repeat this point to urge you dear reader, recognise this fallability is in each and everyone of us. I will piss you off sooner or later, just as you will piss me off. This is just human nature. So the question is this: Is it really worth your energy and time being used up choosing to be offended? We English have a term for this breed of humans, they are known as Grumpy Old Men. Do you choose to be a grumpy old person? Eventually we will just live in a society of easily offendable, miserable people. Is this the society you want to live in? Ghandi was quoted as saying "be the change you want to see". He managed to free a nation with this leadership. So Leadership is what it takes. Be the leader of your emotions and your life, not the slave to some inner ego.